What is it Really?

Have you ever believed that you were having difficulty in one area to later realize that is not the actual problem area? This happened to me recently. For a long time, I believed that I was not good with change, and in some situations this still holds true. However, through thought-provoking conversations and self-reflection, I began to realize that I actually have made a lot of personal changes many times over in order to rise up to challenges, become a better version of myself, to grow, transform, and evolve. 

What I began to realize is that what is really more difficult for me to navigate, which I had been thinking was change, is actually about losing control.  I believe that there are things that we can control, like how we think, feel, act and react to situations as well as lifestyle and diet changes that we can decide to make. And then there are unexpected changes–those are the ones that throw me, which I began to realize is really what is at the root of my issue with change. I only have difficulty with uncontrollable change, this is how I realized that my issue is really about feeling a lack of control. Not only is change not the core problem, it is actually a strength of mine as it is my ability to change my perspective, my behavior, my lifestyle that actually helps me to adapt, adjust, and create a sense of control when things feel out of my control. 


What is an area that you think is challenging for you? I encourage you to…

  • Reflect on this area that you find difficult, and think back to your previous reactions and responses.
  • As you look back, begin to curiously observe your past responses. 
  • While focusing on how you respond to your “area of challenge,” 
    • Ask yourself…
      •  Is this really the area or is it something else? 
      • Is there something else that has been hiding behind the surface?
    • Your answers, whatever they may be, will provide you with clarity. 

The more that we question what it really is, we can get closer to the root of the issue. Which is truly important, because it gives us the necessary information as to our next steps and figuring out how best to respond. Until we get to the root of the problem, we can’t create meaningful change or transformation. Also, we may find that we are spending unnecessary time and energy trying to “fix” something that did not need to be altered in the first place. Looking at ourselves honestly and compassionately, we can begin to question ourselves. When we hear our inner voice say something along the lines of…this is difficult for me, I can’t do this, this is hard for me. Let’s begin to question this belief by asking ourselves, is this really it? Is this the root of the problem?

The more quickly we can get to what the real issue is we can begin to take action steps to create lasting changes. Until we look at things clearly, we can unintentionally waste our time and attention on the wrong thing. To gain clarity, remember that questioning our thoughts can help create a better understanding of the core issue. By remaining curious about our self-talk and inner dialogue we can reframe, refocus, and adjust accordingly as we move onward with intention, clarity, and confidence.